Slaughterfish Steak

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It is a common belief that slaughterfish are disgusting, poisonous, and should not be eaten. This is broadly true, but there is a way to cook them safely.

First, catch a slaughterfish. This is easy. Just wade out into any large body of water and wait a little while. If you’re impatient, maybe prick your finger and wave it in the water.

Then, kill the slaughterfish. Don’t fireball it or shock it or anything. Just kill it with a knife or staff.

Gut the fish, make sure you rinse the insides a few times so all the organs and residue are completely gone. Then cut the meat into strips. You can leave the scales on or off, your choice. I like to leave them on.

Then get a scamp skin. This is a bit trickier if you can’t summon the little fiends. And if you don’t know how to skin a scamp, I’m not going to teach you.

Make a modest fire and use some sticks or rods to suspend the scamp skin over the fire. Pour a little water and shein on the skin. When it starts simmering, add some chokeweed and green lichen, just a couple pinches of each. Then lay the slaughterfish strips directly on the skin. When they turn white on the bottom, flip them over and sprinkle some heather flowers on top, just a handful or so is enough.

When the fish is white all the way through, pull them off, rinse them in shein, and eat them. They will be a little bit slimy, but very salty and no longer poisonous.

You can wash the scamp skin off and re-use it about a dozen times before it loses effectiveness. For safety’s sake, I only reuse skins about five or six times.

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