Critter Dangers: Telvanni Peninsula

Author: Tel Varano
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The towers, tomes, and endless processionals toward Necrom all point to one thing. You’re in Telvanni territory, n’wah, and you’d best watch where you tread. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the coast, in the Ashlands, or walking the back alleys of the city of the dead. Here, everything wants to kill you.

My advice? Don’t let them. Here are a few notes on the beasties of the lower Telvanni lands. Use them or don’t. Up to you.


Even the non-hostile creatures of the Necrom region represent potential threats. Not from a cute little bantam guar, mind you. Those things are proof positive the Three have gentle souls and kindly hearts. But while much of the Telvanni territory looks wild and untamed, that’s just what the wizards want you to think. Over hundreds of years, the magisters and their lackeys have cultivated the region, raising rocky spires and tilting towering mushrooms to make them just the way they like them. The landscape as art, you understand?

So these creatures scuttling about, the gentle bantam guar warking away beneath that overhang, the vvardvarks scampering in the surf, the netch floating gently overhead as you cross that canal bridge? Those aren’t for you, my friend. They’re for the nobles and masters of House Telvanni. And woe betide any who mess with a wizard’s things.

Loose Coins: Watch what critters you crush lest a fireball ruin your day. Pet the vvardvarks, though. They’re adorable.


Even with all a magister’s power, there are some things too ornery or just plain useful to drive off the peninsula. Kwama mines riddle the landscape wherever we Dark Elves choose to live, and the region around Necrom is no exception. Like most mercantile endeavors east of Stonefalls, a consortium out of the great city itself tends the great beasts. I’m told that scrib jerky from regional mines have a kind of spice to them you won’t find elsewhere. I wouldn’t know. Can’t stand the stuff myself.

Kwama eggs on the other hand, are a favorite. Those from the peninsula mines definitely have a bit of a peppery flavor that I think goes quite well with scuttle, greens, and dough balls—my own take on the dumplings the Nords make.

That’s all well and good, of course, but don’t get between a kwama queen and her brood. The gold the magisters have invested in kwama consortiums mean they push the hives harder than any other mines on the continent. You think a low-ranked Telvanni mage is rude to his servants, you should see what they do to their livestock.

Meanwhile, in this land of bugs, the nix-ox is king. This towering insect is used in other Dark Elf lands—the lands of the Pact, rather—as a stand-in for the slave labor that’s part and parcel of Telvanni practice. A group out of Necrom tried to market them on the peninsula just as business was booming near Deshaan, Ebonheart, and Vivec City, but there weren’t a lot of takers. What few magisters did buy them to tend their lands ended up complaining when the poor nix-rima ripped their pedipalps raw.

When the business went bust, the busy market vendors just let the oxen run free instead of trying to transport them back to more lucrative settlements. That’s why you’ll find the big bastards all across the peninsula, carving out little buggy kingdoms for themselves deep in the wilds.

Loose Coins: Kwama mines are going to be double dangerous. Guards nervous about angry wizards vie with queens pushed to their egg-laying limits for who will try to kill you first. Meanwhile, nix-ox on the peninsula are all feral offshoots of bad market planning. Avoid for your own health.


I almost feel sorry for the big beasties around Necrom. Is that strange? Is that odd to have sympathy for ogres and trolls? Well, they’ve been saying I was a strange one for years, and it hasn’t stopped me yet. “But Tel Verano,” I hear you saying, “Why has your heart been moved for such brutish and barbarous brigands?” A great question, n’wah. So shut up and listen.

One of the greatest magisters in House Telvanni—I won’t say which one for fear of reprisal—got it in their head to create a great and glorious exhibition hall for beasts and baddies from across the continent. They’d apparently been to the Summerset Isles on holiday before the war began and were struck by the opulent and self-indulgent menagerie on display there. In fact, they thought they could do one better than that High Elf establishment by carving out their own magical space.

Don’t ask Tel Verano what that means, I’m just repeating what I was told. Long story short, this mystical menagerie ended worse than the Deshaan Local Troupe’s last performance of “The Thirty Sex Sermons of Vivec.” And now tiny tribes of ogres and trolls patrol the highlands of the peninsula, isolated from their kin and forever on the run from the mercenary hunters hired by that magister’s mouth. Determined to kill them all to avoid embarrassing their master.

Loose Coins: Even in a walled garden like the Telvanni Peninsula, nature still manages to have its way. Watch yourself when you enter dark valleys and craggy caves. And unless you’re keen to see an endless torrid of on-stage lovemaking featuring an Almalexia in a terrible wig, make sure you seek better entertainment than the Local Troupe on you’re next visit to Deshaan.

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