Mairead’s Diary, Entry 346


Author (in-game): Mairead

None of this feels familiar. I didn’t expect it to, of course. They moved me from the only home I’ve ever known without even telling me why. Familiarity is a luxury I don’t have. But still, I expected to at least feel comfortable here. Mine is the only company I’ve ever kept. I thought it would be enough. But everything here resists me. The bed is too firm, I keep tripping on the grooves in the floor, and all the walls feel like they’re closing in.

The woman doesn’t come to visit anymore. I don’t know if I miss her, or if I miss the sensation of stability she provided. I don’t miss Emperor Leovic having to accompany her, of course. I always hated his eyes. Even as a child, they haunted my dreams.

Now? I almost miss them. As haunting and pervading as his gaze was, at least it was expected. Familiar.

I hear whispers in this new place. I’m fourteen years old and too mature to think that anything here could really hurt me. Isn’t that the entire point of staying here? Locked away in a cage so that nothing gets in and nothing gets out? But even still, sometimes I wake in the night with my heart pounding out of my chest. It’s as if I’ve woken from a nightmare but can’t remember what was so terrifying. Maybe it’s just this place.

Or maybe it’s me.

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