The Lusty Argonian Maid

Released In: , , ,
Author (out of game):
Author (in-game): Crassius Curio

Librarian Note:

Volume 2 appears only in TES5: Skyrim, and was not written by Douglas Goodall.

The supposed author of this book, Crassius Curio, appeared in TES3: Morrowind. Elder Scrolls Online, which takes place several hundred years prior, also features this book however, and instead says that Curio merely pretended to be its author.

The Lusty Argonian Maid, v1
Act IV, Scene III, continuedLifts-Her-Tail Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.Crantius Colto Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?Lifts-Her-Tail I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.Crantius Colto So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.Lifts-Her-Tail You embarrass me, sir!Crantius Colto Fear not. You are safe here with me.Lifts-Her-Tail I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!Crantius Colto Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.Lifts-Her-Tail But it is huge! It could take me all night!Crantius Colto Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.END OF ACT IV, SCENE III
The Lusty Argonian Maid, v2


My goodness, that’s quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?

Crantius Colto
This loaf isn’t ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.

If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?

Crantius Colto
Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.

You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?

Crantius Colto
Of course.

But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.

Crantius Colto
Don’t fret, my delicate flower. I’ll satisfy the mistress’s cravings later.

Very well, but I’m afraid my oven isn’t hot enough. It could take hours!

Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.


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