Crendal the Town Drunk’s Drunken Song

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Author (in-game): Crendal the Breton

Librarian Note:

Technically speaking, it’s not a book, it’s presented in the game orally by a non-player character, specifically, Crendal the Breton. He sings it out loud outside the tavern where he drunk himself silly. ‘They’ stands for sailors, it’s a song about sailors. Enjoy.

A is for the apes that date their mothers
B is for the boils they pop for fun
C is for the water sailors sail on
D is for the lumps upon their tongues
E is for the eels they eat for breakfast
F is for the fleas that swarm within their shorts
G is for the grog they swill by gallons
H is for the hair upon their warts
I is what they poke out with their fingers
J is for the jerks they give on ropes
K is for the kats they drown in bags
L is for the love they give to goats
M is for the marks of fifty lashes
N is for their smarts, for they have none
O is for the oceans they get lost in
P is for their pox and scurvy gums
Q is for the quakebutts fit for pounding
R is wrong, and wrong theyll always be
S is stinky, just like sailors armpits
T is for the ticks that eat their fleas
U is for the urgent needs of manhood
V is for the vegetables they wont eat
W for weevils in their hardtack
X ‘es mark the spots on all their mapses
Y – oh why! We cry, must our song end?
Z – the zoanthropic girls of our hometowns

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