TESL Battlespire: Caitiff

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Battlespire Readme

Having explored the training grounds of the Battlespire in the first part, I went to the High Halls and Librarium of the College through the Star Crib.

Once I got there, I immediately found a note from Vatasha Trenelle. After reading the note, I spoke with a nearby Perthan.

“I’m glad we had this little chat.”

You will find gobs and gobs of dialog in Battlespire. Sure, they’re monsters, but they have a lot of really interesting things to say. So we recommend chatting with monsters before you murder them. Some monsters will give you nice presents. Some will give you keys. Some will give you helpful hints. Some will even join you in your quest. On the other hand, some will tell you big fat lies, and summon minions to rend you limb from limb.

Some epic heroes have a nasty habit of slaughtering their potential informants. They just can’t help themselves. Fortunately, we usually provide an Alternative Exhaustive Search Solution to permit such well-intentioned homicidal maniacs to collect all the clues and keys they need, even if they have depopulated the environment. On the other hand, the Alternative Exhaustive Search Solution is generally far more tedious and horrible than the Enlightened Meaningful Dialog Solution. Nuff said.

Perthan 1: Yes! I LOVE to talk while I fight. What shall we talk about? Wounds? Hot, dirty, monkey love? Splinters? Burns?

Sinder Velvin: I was just wondering. All I’ve heard about the sex life of spiders is pretty dire. So. Are you…? Do you…? Is it like…?

Perthan 1: Sex? Sex? You mean eggs and reproduction? That’s boring mortal stuff. We get off on hurting things. Like you.

Sinder Velvin: Thanks for clearing that up for me.

After fighting the Perthan, I spoke with a Vermai.

Vermai 3: HNNNRRGH?

Sinder Velvin: See? Prit-ty wea-pon? Me not smack you. Me GIVE you! Drop prit-ty wea-pon right here. Prit-ty. Look. Emp-ty hands. You like?

I dropped my weapon.


Sinder Velvin: Oh, very well. If you insist.

I had to fight it after all. After that, I quickly spoke with another Vermai. It asked the same question as the one before it, but I gave a much more intelligent reply this time.

Vermai 4: HNNNRRGH?


After I was done with the Vermai, I spoke with a Scamp.

Scamp 7: Akgh! More MAN-thing. All SAME-same. Which? Serve who?

Sinder Velvin: Simmer down. Can’t tell you critters apart either. I’m a man-thing, all right, but I’m working for your boss, so go about your business and leave me alone.

Scamp 7: Ahhh. Think me STUPID? You big fat liar, betcha. TAST-TEE liar.

Sinder Velvin: Right. Come get some sugar, bladder bag.

After I was done with the Scamp, I walked around a bit until I found and spoke with a Perthan.

Perthan 2: This is going to be fun, I hope. You aren’t going to be boring, are you? I HATE boring. 

Sinder Velvin: You look like a fun kinda guy. What say we go put some lumps on those long-eared termites and the long-armed, dot-skulled clowns?

Perthan 2: Nah. Got to leave the shrimp and potatoes alone. Only one thing on the menu tonight, and that’s MAN.

Sinder Velvin: Bon apetit.

After I banished it, I walked around and found a Dremora.

Dremora 1: What are you? And what are you doing here? Come closer, so I can talk to you.

Sinder Velvin: I’m a Battlemage. Let me show you my credentials.

Dremora 1: You do not belong here. Drop your weapons and submit, or be destroyed.

Sinder Velvin: I hope you’ve had a good diet and plenty of rest, because I’m going to take a whole lot of destroying, friend.

After I defeated the Dremora, I found a riddle door that led to a small chamber with another Dremora.

Dremora 2: You’re still here? What in Creation ARE those Scamps and Vermai doing? Can’t ANYONE do ANYTHING around here?

Sinder Velvin: I guess I’m just too tough for a bunch of wimpy Daedric lackeys.

After mopping the floor with the Dremora, I found a Perthan.

Perthan 3: Hey. I got to tell you. My venom? It’s gonna make you flop like a noodle poodle. And when you’re flopping? Hooowee! Then comes my special sharp-claw dance. La-la-la!

Sinder Velvin: OH-KAY. Glad we got that straightened out.

After a bit more exploration, I found a small Daedroth that looked like a little girl and was the leader of the Scamps. I spoke with it.

Rishaal Tamir: Hello, little manling. My name is Rishaal. A Bad manling took the voidguide without permission. That’s bad. That’s stealing. But you’re a NICE manling. Because you will bring me the voidguide. That would be SO nice. And I’ll give you a NICE present.

Sinder Velvin: Hey. Is that a door behind you? I bet you don’t know where it goes.

Rishaal Tamir: You lose! Ha-ha! That door goes to the special SECRET parts of Battlespire. Where Sumeer is. He’s very important. I’m supposed to bring HIM the voidguide, and he’ll give me a nice present. But you can’t go to the SECRET parts yet. Because I can’t go to the secret parts yet… Not until i get the voidguide. And you can’t go if I can’t go. That’s fair, isn’t it?

Sinder Velvin: I see. I can’t go to the SECRET places until you go, and you won’t go until you’ve got the voidguide.

Rishaal Tamir: You’re a SMART manling. You bring me the voidguide, or you can’t see the SECRET parts. Nyah-nyah.

Sinder Velvin: Sure… But first you have to tell me what a voidguide is, and what my NICE present is.

Rishaal Tamir: Okay. The voidguide is a kind of key thing and a kind of map thing that guides a traveler through the big empty places to the place he wants to go. See? And your present is a SECRET… A surprise… And if I tell you, it will spoil it, won’t it?

Sinder Velvin: Fair enough. When I get the voidguide, I’ll bring it to you. Goodbye for now.

A short while later, I encountered a Perthan.

Perthan 4: This is not the time for chit-chat. We can talk later, when you can’t do anything but lie there and spit out teeth.

Sinder Velvin: Why are you so stern? You must have eaten a bushel of prunes.

The Perthan had the same fate as the ones before it. I went through a riddle door and spoke with another Perthan.

Perthan 5: What do you want? I HATE talk.

Sinder Velvin: Hey. What’s going on? What’s happening here? Who’s who and what’s what?

Perthan 5: Here’s the news. We WIN! Battlespire is ours. Mages LOSE. Doornail dead. Just tying up loose ends. And you’re the last loose end.

Sinder Velvin: All done, eh? What about this missing voidguide thing I hear about?

Perthan 5: I hear the Scamps snapped the voidguide and hid the pieces, and now we can’t head back until it is restored. Some scamp skins coming off, for sure, and roasted bosses, too.

Sinder Velvin: Har-har. Those scamps! Gotta love ’em.

A few banished Daedra later, I found a corpse next to a note. After reading the note, I went to a room where I found a Daedroth that looked like a woman who was the leader of the Vermai.

Zenaida Nacarra: Goodness. Where did you come from? I thought we’d done ALL the guards and the battlemages on the list.

Sinder Velvin: The voidguide is missing, in case you hadn’t heard. I have to get that voidguide back, or the Boss will pop my spirit like a bubble. Can you help me?

Zenaida Nacarra: I think Gatanas has it, and plans to blame it on my Vermai. You’ll need a Meht amulet, though, to pass a Meht sigil. Vorn might have it, but getting it out of him won’t be easy.

Sinder Velvin: Thanks.

After looking around a bit, I soon found a suspicious-looking storage room with a suspicious-looking coffin and a suspicious-looking wall. Moving the suspicious-looking coffin revealed a suspicious-looking button which made a suspicious-looking passage open in the suspicious-looking wall. Going through the suspicious-looking passage led to a room with the Perthan named Vorn.

Vorn: Defeat me, and I taste bitter Oblivion… But I WILL return. For you, there is no return from death. Is this affair worth such risks?

Sinder Velvin: That’s a difficult question. But I can’t abandon a friend. Please… Tell me where Vatasha Trenelle is, and I swear you’ll have no further trouble from me.

Vorn: Vatasha Trenelle… We both want Vatasha Trenelle. Excuse me, but… Finders keepers…

Sinder Velvin: Just give me the voidguide, and I’ll withdraw immediately.

Vorn: I have no idea where the voidguide is… but I do know where I put one piece of it. And I also know you won’t be getting your hands on it.

Sinder Velvin: I guess I’ll just have to settle for a piece of the voidguide… And maybe a piece of you, while I’m at it.

It attacked me, but I tried talking to it again.

Vorn: Don’t waste your breath, fleshchild… You’ll miss it when it’s gone.

Sinder Velvin: Sound advice. Do your worst, hellspawn.

Vorn received the same treatment other Perthans had received from me. While looking through itsremains, I found a sigil of entry. I went back to Zenaida to thank it.

Zenaida Nacarra: Oh. It’s you again. Well, you’ve been quite clever, Lady Trenelle, But now we’re on to your game. I have orders to take you alive… But I’ve never been much good at taking orders. Still… If you’d just drop your weapon and peel off all armor, I’ll be spared the tiresome task of summoning minions to rend your flesh.

Sinder Velvin: If somehow I were to escape, who knows what kinds of misfortune might befall your enemies?

Zenaida Nacarra: An amusing idea. Very well. Poor Rishaal has “lost” one of her sigil amulets. I wonder how you got hold of it? This is a mystery, isn’t it? Now… Go far away and don’t annoy me again.

It gave me a sigil of entry.

Sinder Velvin: High One, your enemies are my enemies.

It then disappeared. I used the sigil of entry given by it to gain access to a storage room with some useful equipment, after which I used the sigil from Vorn to enter the room with Gatanas (Who’s supposed to be a Dremora, but who, due to a mistake, appears as a Perthan in the game).

Gatanas: Still alive? I’m impressed. You have grit, child. Have you wit? For I have need of such in my service.

Sinder Velvin: Make me an offer.

Gatanas: Take this enchanted Sigil Amulet and swear a solemn oath to the Great Powers upon it to serve me, and I in turn shall so swear and make you my chief lieutenant.

Sinder Velvin: That sounds like a good offer. Done.

Of course, it was nothing more than Daedric sarcasm. I had to fight Gatanas after all. After it went bye-bye, I found the voidguide behind a door. I went back to Rishaal.

Rishaal Tamir: So. We meet again. You’ve brought the voidguide, I hope.

Sinder Velvin: Yes, yes, yes. Of course I have the voidguide.

Rishaal Tamir: Goodie, goodie! Give me the voidguide RIGHT NOW!

Sinder Velvin: Here it is. So. Now. What’s my present?

Rishaal Tamir: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. Sumeer will be SO pleased. I’ll take this piece and put it next to the voidgate console, just like Sumeer said. And here’s your little surprise. It’s a little Zyr sigil amulet. NOW you can go to the SECRET parts. Right through this door behind me. And here’s another little surprise, because you’re so NICE. This will get you into another someplace with NICE things. Maybe somebody will get in a teensy trouble if the NICE things disappear. Ha-ha. See you around.

Sinder Velvin: Thank you very, very much. You’re a NICE little Daedra. Bye-bye.

Using the Daedric sigil of entry it gave me, I was able to enter another storage room with useful equipment. After I took the equipment, I went through the teleporter to the “SECRET parts”.

As soon as I came out of the teleporter, I was attacked by several Daedra in a narrow corridor. After I spilled their ketchup, I went into the rooms connected to the corridor and spoke with the Scamps there.

Scamp 8: TIRED! Hate stupid MAN-things. Boss? Who? Tell! Now! Or bites and scratches!

Sinder Velvin: None of your business. And you can go ahead and bite me. Immediately.

Scamp 8: Want BITES? Bites SOFT parts! HARD!

Sinder Velvin: Right here, pal.

I quickly banished that Scamp and spoke with the next one.

Scamp 9: Whehn! MAN-thing, all LOOK same. You wizard? Chopper? Blood? Slave?

Sinder Velvin: Perhaps you’d like to tremble and fall to your knees before the Master Battlemage Clarentavious Valisious, who’d rather burst you than chat with you.

Scamp 9: Blah-blah-blah-blah-BLAH! Lie-lie-LIE! Now you get BIG bites and scratches!

Sinder Velvin: No runty, flap-earred daedra calls me a liar and gets away with it.

Same as before.

Scamp 10: HATES man-thing! Bites and scratches!

Sinder Velvin: The feeling is mutual, big ears.

And again…

Scamp 11: BAD man-thing! RIP stinking FACE! Bite and scratch and chew the TIPS and BITS!

Sinder Velvin: You know, sometimes I really enjoy this work.

And again…

Scamp 12: Scamp very sad. Rishaal tell Scamp “Bite nasty man-thing.” But man-thing pop Scamp like grape.

Sinder Velvin: You are pretty smart for a Scamp. So I’ll give you a count of five running head start. One… Two… Three…

And once more…

Scamp 13: Hey? What you do? You nice man-thing, yes? Act nice, and go away.

Sinder Velvin: Nice man-thing does as he pleases, and don’t you forget it.

And… Uh… Well… Again.

Scamp 14: Help! Help! MAN-thing! KILL-KILL!

Sinder Velvin: No need to panic, little friends. Go FREE! Go FREE! I release you from your cruel servitude! Go forth henceforth, and love LIGHT and MERCY.

Scamp 14: Uhh… What? You… Be… Nice?

Sinder Velvin: I love all things, and only want every living creature to be happy and free.

After it fled, I looked around in the two rooms where I had found Scamps. In one room, I found a secret passage leading to a Scamp, a Lion statue and the legendary Scourge (Which I didn’t take.), while in the other room I found a secret passage leading to a Scamp, a Lion statue and a voidguide piece (Which I took.). I spoke with the first Scamp.


Sinder Velvin: Ha-HA! I want to pop legs RIGHT OFF! And PEEL SCALPS with RUSTY METAL SCRAPS! Ha-HA!

Scamp 15: WAAH! SCARED!

Sinder Velvin: Ha-Ha-HA-HA-HA! Blood! Guts! HUGE CHUNKS OF SCAMPS MEAT!

It fled. I spoke with the next one.

Scamp 16: HELP! HELP! HELP!

Sinder Velvin: Look out! Behind you! Aggh! AGHH!

Scamp 16: Huh? Where?

Sinder Velvin: BEHIND you, nitwit!

It also fled. I walked around a bit until I encountered a Dremora, which I spoke with.

Dremora 3: No more tricks, Master Trenelle. Cute, but tiresome.

Sinder Velvin: This is not about Vatasha Trenelle. This is about you, my friend. You can go away, or I can send you away. Far away, into silent darkness, enduring pain, and withering despair.

Dremora 3: Nice speech, kid. But let me give you a hint. If Clan Dremora has a fault, it is the fault of pride. Perhaps threats may daunt other Daedric clans, but they only inspire Dremora to greater risks and dares.

Sinder Velvin: Thank you. Then perhaps we should prefer the more proper challenge? Your health, or mine, my lord?

After I defeated it, I entered a large room full of Daedra, where I spoke with a Scamp.

Scamp 17: MAN-thing! KILL friends! Rip flesh! Bite bits!

Sinder Velvin: Me? You must be kidding. I wouldn’t hurt a fly.

After fighting the little Scamp, I spoke with another one.


Sinder Velvin: Oh, dear. I suppose now I must pound you to a pulp for a bit.

I had finished pounding that Scamp when I spoke with another one.

Scamp 19: Sneaky, lying, man-thing. Sneaks and cheats us, hurts us. Now we catch it, pull its arms HARD… POP!

Sinder Velvin: I’ll take you on, and your squeaky friends, too.

Several pounded Daedra later, I spoke with a Vermai.


Sinder Velvin: Well, in fairness, I admit I aim to hurt-hurt-hurt you, too, you stoneheaded brute.

After hurt-hurt-hurting it a bit, I spoke with a Dremora.

Dremora 4: You are being difficult. You’ve only yourself to blame if we are forced to discorporate you permanently.

Sinder Velvin: Don’t trouble yourself on my account. And accept my apologies in advance if I should inadvertently cast your spirit into Everlasting Darkness through the intemperate violence of my mighty blows.

After that Dremora went on a long vacation, I spoke with another one.

Dremora 5: You are bold to present yourself thus, Trenelle. I presume you have something you’d like to say?

Sinder Velvin: I’m not Trenelle. If you insist on that line, we’re not going to get anywhere.

Dremora 5: To me it is no matter if you are the Emperor of Illimitable Splendor. Your presence is requested in the library. That said, I have followed my orders, and may return to the sport of chastising you.

Sinder Velvin: Well. I hope I am proving a diverting challenge for you.

I then spoke with another Dremora.

Dremora 6: Trenelle. We know who you are, so spare us the cunning conceits.

Sinder Velvin: Don’t get huffy. It’s not my fault if you’ve been played for fools. Now. Do you want to listen? If you’d rather have extreme violence, that’s fine, too.

Dremora 6: I’m afraid we’re not interested in anything you have to say, Trenelle. But if you have not yet spoken with Dremora Tanchelm, do so, please. That is all I have to say.

Sinder Velvin: I have heard you.

After I sent the two Dremora to a very dark place, I went into the Library and spoke with Tanchelm.

Tanchelm: Master Trenelle. This won’t take long. I have something for you, and a few words.

Sinder Velvin: I’m not Trenelle. I don’t know where Trenelle is.

Tanchelm: Very well. Your name does not interest me. Can I continue?

Sinder Velvin: Go on.

Tanchelm: You amuse us. It may suit us to preserve you from time to time. Do not presume upon this favor. The moment you are foolish enough to rely on our aid, we shall withhold it, and seek our amusement elsewhere. Understood?

Sinder Velvin: I think I understand. Go on.

Tanchelm: From time to time you may do us a favor. We put little stock by such, but small things may please us where large things would offend.

Sinder Velvin: I understand, and I agree.

Tanchelm: Your agreement is of little account in this. We do as we will. Finally, I have prepared a few notes for your review that may make things a bit clearer. Will you take them from my own hand?

Sinder Velvin: Yes. Thank you.

It gave me this.

Tanchelm: I doubt we shall meet again, and even if we do, I shall not recognize you. Goodbye.

Sinder Velvin: Goodbye. And thank you.

It disappeared. I then walked around until I found a secret passage leading to a cave with a voidguide piece. After I took the voidguide piece, I walked around some more and found a Perthan who had a sigil of entry for a sigil in a corridor leading to a female-looking Daedroth. I took the sigil of entry from it, went to the female-looking Daedroth and spoke with it. It was the leader of the Perthans.

Wonshala Keriayn: You are not stupid, human. So you will listen, and not annoy me with your lies.

Sinder Velvin: I would never DREAM of trying to mislead you, your Highness. I hope only to please you.

Wonshala Keriayn: YOU LIE! Listen, maggot, or I’ll school your flesh to respect.

Sinder Velvin: So say something worth hearing, Highness.

Wonshala Keriayn: I have a piece of the voidguide. I will trade it for a weapon called SCOURGE. It’s here on Battlespire, and its functions are protected by a magical warding keyword, but that’s all I know. Deliver me SCOURGE, and provide me with the keyword, and you shall have your voidpiece.

Sinder Velvin: I agree. So keep your troops out of my hair, and I’ll be back that much faster.

I went back and took Scourge. I then went to the Library and found a document about Scourge. Because I had both the weapon and the keyword, I returned to the Daedroth.

Wonshala Keriayn: So. You have FINALLY brought me SCOURGE and its keyword?

Sinder Velvin: I have the Scourge, and will give it to you only after I have the piece of the voidguide you promised in my possession.

Wonshala Keriayn: I will now hand you the piece of the voidguide with one hand while I accept SCOURGE with my other hand. As we each grasp these valued objects, you will tell me the keyword, and I will activate SCOURGE to prove that you have not tried to give me a false keyword.

Sinder Velvin: I agree. Here is SCOURGE. And the keyword is… Equality!

Wonshala Keriayn: SCOURGE, I invoke thee in the name of Equality…. YES!

Sinder Velvin: Satisfied, Highness?

Wonshala Keriayn: And with this power, I may now rid myself of your irksome stink… But… What… Oh… OHHHH, GODS!

Sinder Velvin: Farewell, Highness. I hear that a lengthy vacation in the Outer Darkness is a splendid tonic for the nerves.

After I tricked Wonshala, I once again started looking around. After I found a room with a letter written by Jagar Tharn, I entered a room with another voidguide piece. I took it and, while looking around, I encountered Sumeer Jabran, Dremora Lord of the Churl clan.

Sumeer Jabran: So. You’re Trenelle. You’ve made quite a nuisance of yourself. I hope you don’t mind if I summon my minions to rend you limb from limb?

Sinder Velvin: Do you suppose that being limbless might interfere with my ability to discuss delivery of a working voidguide?

Sumeer Jabran: Not necessarily. I’ve kept heads running long after the other bits have been put to other uses. But I take your point. What do you propose?

Sinder Velvin: I think a fellow with my talents might go far in Tamriel with a little backing from the outerworlds. Just a word here and there, a little help with the arcane and mystical. Nothing formal. No binding contracts, no oaths of fealty — Just good neighbors with common interests.

Sumeer Jabran: Only someone very foolish, or very sure of himself, would propose so casual an understanding with a High Lord of the Clans. Very well. Let us be friends. And in expectation of your generous gift of the voidguide, be so good as to accept a token of my esteem? Say, a sigil amulet of my clan?

Sinder Velvin: I am sensible of the honor you do me. And by its sign shall others know where my loyalties lie.

Sumeer Jabran: It is completely as I wish. Now I shall eagerly anticipate your delivery of the voidguide.

Sinder Velvin: I go in haste, milord.

Sumeer Jabran: Please place the assembled voidguide in the gate panel before us. When you have tested the voidguide and are confident that it functions properly, I anticipate receiving a personal report from your lips.

Sinder Velvin: As you wish, milord, so be it.

I put the assembled voidguide in the gate panel and went through the teleporter, which took me to the Daedric realm called the Soul Cairn. Also known as the Third Level.

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