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Goblin

The Goblin Filth, Grutbug the Unhealthy

Author: 
Longinus Attius

This piteous mass idly waved an axe at us, another purloined piece from a higher race, poorly cared for, rusting, with rotting straps and filth spread across every surface.

Fetid Corruptions of Orcs, or so the fanciful historical parchments would have you believe, Goblins have run unchecked in marauding tribes throughout the lands. Not feeling the need to communicate except with a series of grunts and loud  yells during combat, our prisoner seems to have carried the tattered standard of a warchief, which was duly discarded when our guild members met and slaughtered his confused band of dirt scrabblers. After he was chained in our prison pens, willfully resisting our attempts at befriending, our Khajiiti champion faced him in the pit and was easily victorious.
        
Astute armory scholars may recognize the spoor-stained breastplate and punctured graves of this repellent specimen, for Goblins have no breadth of craftsmanship or clarity of vision: These are stolen pieces, no doubt scavenged from a backstabbed hunter. Smaller daggers seem to be terribly primitive imitations, formed in forges without the proper bellows and heat, and the results border on the disastrous: rather than piercing flesh, one sword shattered during battle against one of my men. This piteous mass idly waved an axe at us, another purloined piece from a higher race, poorly cared for, rusting, with rotting straps and filth spread across every surface. It is kinder to burn such armaments than offer them for repair.

The Toothmaul Contract

Author: 
Anonymous

The members of the Toothmaul tribe, including its dependents, hereby agree to a permanent alliance with the Veiled Heritance, pledging any and all available resources to do with as the Heritance pleases. These resources include recruitment of Toothmaul tribe members into labor and fighting forces as the Heritance sees fit.

In exchange, the Heritance will provide the Toothmaul tribe with arms and armor from a selection of retired equipment in the reserve supply.

Quartermaster's Report

Author: 
Anonymous

To: Surii Dreth

Regarding: Mine Costs, Workers

Against my better judgment, I've followed your orders and compiled the following report on mining operations costs, specifically regarding worker costs.

Trained Miner: 15 gold/day, plus 10 gold/day rations
Argonian Miner: 10 gold/day, plus 8 gold/day rations
General Worker: 8 gold/day, 8 gold/day rations
Indentured Servant: 0 gold/day, 4 gold/day rations. Oversight: 1/10 gold day
Goblin: 0 gold/day, 1 gold/day rations. Oversight: unknown

Trained miners and Argonians produce about the same amount of quality work per day, which is at least double that of a general worker's output. Indentured servants' output varies wildly, but on a long-term basis, they seldom produce more on average than a general worker and almost never remain with the mine after their period of indenture ends.

Goblins are a wild card. So far, they dig like maniacs and have absolutely no interest in anything they pull out of the mine (see my other notes on Employee Theft), and they work for scraps. But I have heard rumblings, particularly from their shamans. They are unpredictable, and I suggest we use them sparingly and only for short periods of service.

Academy's Rejection Letter

Author: 
Felicitas Mallicius

Scholar Oppius,

Once again you repeat your assertions that Goblins have domesticated creatures of several species, including spiders and kwama. And once again I must inform you that the academy's journal will publish no papers making such outlandish claims without conclusive proof.

You offer no proof for the excellent reason that none exists. Goblins are not intelligent enough to be domesticated themselves, let alone to domesticate other species. Your premise is ridiculous, your reasoning is flimsy, and your conclusions are insupportable.

The more unlikely one's thesis, the stronger one's proof must be to overcome disbelief. Offering no proof for an assertion as controversial as yours invites ridicule. And I am delighted to provide it.

Do not waste my time with any further submissions except in the improbable event that you obtain conclusive proof of your claims. Even then, a witness credible to the academy must swear to the veracity of your paper and must be willing to co-author it.

I do not expect to hear from you again. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors as a charlatan.

Felicitas Mallicius
Editor-in-Chief
Species and Speculation Journal

Sacred Rites of the Stonechewers

Author: 
Nellic Sterone

For several seasons I have been observing the Stonechewer Goblin tribe, recording their daily activities and becoming familiar with their customs and routines. Over time I have deliberately crept closer and closer to the limits of their tribal camp, occasionally showing myself briefly so the subjects would become used to my proximity. At one point a warrior out to relieve himself behind a tree stumbled upon my observation post, and when he grunted and drew his crude-but-serviceable short sword I thought my work had come to an untimely end. Luckily the tribal shaman was nearby, and he intervened on my behalf, speaking harshly to the warrior and knocking aside his sword. The shaman pointed at me and slowly rotated his hand near his head, which I assume is a Goblin gesture denoting acknowledgement of superior intellect. Who would have suspected these so-called primitives had such regard for scholarship?

After that there were no more incidents of hostility, and the Goblins tolerated my presence, so long as I kept a respectful distance from their females and offspring. Occasionally a warrior would bark at me, but I simply replied by making the hand-rotating "intelligence" gesture next to my head, and the warrior would shrug and go back to his business.

As so little is known about the religious practices of the Goblin race, I decided to make the shaman of the tribe my particular study. The symbol of his office was a bone rod, probably a femur, with a small skull affixed to the end—possibly an infant's. This skull was ornamented with an assortment of feathers, spines, and animal claws, and filled with something like nut-hulls, for it rattled loudly when shaken. The shaman would shake this holy symbol forcefully when summoning his congregation to sacred rituals, or when the females were not bringing him food or drink rapidly enough.

At particularly important rituals the shaman would touch they symbol to his heart, then his head, then point it to the sky and call out, "Muluk!" At first I found this confusing, given the similarity of "muluk" to the Goblin words "muulk," which they use when chastising their durzogs or children, or "mluku," the term for fecal matter. But gradually I learned to differentiate, and one day I realized that by crying "Muluk!" the shaman must be invoking the god of the Goblins.

And then it struck me: "Muluk" is not really much different from "Mauloch." Could the god of the Goblins and the god of the Orcs be one and the same?

This is the kind of discovery that could win me tenure at the College of Wayrest! I must get independent confirmation of this revelation. But how?